Letting Go & Goodbyes

The hardest thing in the world for me is letting go.  This has always been the case - relationships, friendships, family ... you name it.  It is never easy for anyone.  The anxiety attacks it causes, the crying fits for hours, and the constant "what if" questions I ask myself ... these are the reasons a lot of our society cannot let go.

A lot has been going on; I haven't been able (and, honestly at times I have been able and just decided to be lazy/sad) to practice.  I have missed it.  Now I find myself doubting myself.  I find myself being scared to go back and not be "as good" and embarrass myself.  I am back to not letting go of my insecurities and just getting on my damn mat - embarrassment be damned. 

Getting out of our comfort zone is the hardest thing to do.  Letting go of comfort and heading into the unknown.  I have held on to some pretty toxic relationships in my life; I have let people control my thoughts and emotions.  I have put my health and happiness on the sideline to try to please others and to avoid conflict.  The past couple of weeks I have begun to realize if I step back and look at certain relationships - maybe I just don't fully care anymore.  When was the last time certain people or situations made me remotely happy?  When did I get anything value-added out of it?  When have I felt cared about or listened to?  When have I been important in my wants?  When have my feelings and actions been acknowledged? 

Yet, at the same time I have seen significant change in others.  I have seen some people transform.  Those are the relationships I want to foster.  The people who take the time to ask how my day was, pour me a glass of wine and let me vent over something even if they have heard it a million times, and the people who want me to truly be happy regardless of personal feelings.  
 
At the end of the day, everything will fall into place as it is meant to be.  However, sometimes YOU have to be the force and YOU have to make these things happen.  Life is too short to constantly be upset or allowing others to rule your feelings.

Let go ... and let yourself enjoy life and be happy.  "Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring.  It means you stop forcing others to." - Mandy Hale

Habitat for Humanity // Gratitude

I have been out of commission the past two weeks (okay three weeks but last week was pure laziness and being busy) due to a company-sponsored Habitat for Humanity trip.  I have done one-off H4H days before, but this was the first time I dedicated an entire week.  What I can say is it taught me a lot about myself as well as being grateful for what I have. 

After a week helping frame a house, begin putting up the walls and roof, and hard/hot/long workdays (8 hours outside), I feel so blessed to have what I do.  It was challenging work and so different than what I am used to.  

I haven't been able to practice and I can certainly feel it.  I am staffed in Corpus Christie, Texas now - and I don't see myself finding a solid practice here.  But, now I am going to be in Miami SO much more that I can consistently practice there on weekends :)