Back in the saddle and ready for a baby!!

FINALLY!  After 3 weeks away from my practice I got to go tonight!  I am SO happy right now.  I know that I will be a bit sore tomorrow and there will be residual effects from being away - and, knowing I can't practice again for a while due to work/personal commitments.  BUT - wow.  It felt amazing.

Sometimes when you lose your way in life and/or your practice it can be hard to get back in the groove.  Lately, I have had an overwhelming amount of anxiety over things at work and in my personal life.  I have  even had lots of visits by my enemy the anxiety monster who has been quite the asshole.  Tonight - I kicked his ass.  I pushed him out.  And, I feel a little better about just everything.

So now what I am going to focus on is something less serious and less downing and SUPER exciting.  I am gonna focus on my NEPHEW!  He is going to make his wordly debut any day now ... I am so excited!  It has been a long process waiting for him.  It is so hard to believe we will finally have a baby in my immediate family.  It's always been my dad and the 3 girls. It is the beginning of a new chapter - the beginning of a new life.  It is going to be a huge and positive change for all of us.  I haven't met him yet but I already love him so much - I cannot wait to teach him things and to be a better person because of him.  My older sister, although she drove me crazy growing up, is going to be an amazing mom.  My brother-in-law will be an amazing dad.  They have been very inspirational and I have seen such changes in them as individuals and as a couple since they got pregnant. It was awesome spending time with them all weekend in Columbus.  Getting to see everything come together and how ready they are for baby boy to arrive! (He has a name - they just aren't being very public about it yet :) so sh!).

What is really weird is my level of excitement over BABY YOGA!!  Apparently babies can start as early as 6 weeks.  Looks like I have some research to do of baby yoga studios in Columbus.  Watch out baby boy ... Aunt KK is gonna bring lots of #namaste to your little life!!

....seriously, how cute are these baby yoga pictures?!

Losing your way // Is it that simple?

I haven't been to yoga in over two weeks.  In fact, since TWO Monday's ago.  Take that dose of grossness.  No wonder why I haven't blogged in so long.  But, alas my fans (okay, just a couple...maybe just one) have been asking why I haven't blogged!

So, what have I learned from not practicing?  How centered it keeps me.  How my memory is much better (yeah, I went to Cancun for a long weekend and totally forgot my passport!).  How my body feels better.  How I feel less bloated.  How I feel less stress/anxiety.  How I feel more motivated.

So now that I feel stiff and gross - I cannot wait to get back on the mat.  When you have consistencies in your life change can be difficult.  Having a consistent practice pattern is what makes the benefits long-term.  I had my first panic attack in quite some time today.  I can only imagine my lack of patience, practice, and work/life issues are the cause.  But, I KNOW if I had been practicing it would have been a different type of attack.

Sometimes it is not just your practice.  It can be your entire life.  You can feel lost and like you cannot find your way. You don't feel centered.

Last night my old college roommate Lauren and I were taking a nice walk down memory lane after a delicious dinner at The Melting Pot.  We were thinking about all the good times, the hard times, and how crazy it was that we have known each other for 9 years!  It seems like just yesterday we were bubbly 18-year olds meeting for the first time - bonded by a Facebook 'Thompson Hall' search and Stacie Orrico lyrics in our profiles.  We talked about how we got to where we are today and the decisions we have made. We talked about "what if" scenarios.  We talked about ex loves.  We talked about friends - old and new.  But the entire theme of the conversation was ultimately not feeling complete.  Not yet feeling whole.  Feeling like the dreams we had at 18 were not yet there.  But honestly in life do we ever find full contentment?  Do we ever "find our way"?  Maybe life isn't just that simple.  Just like your yoga practice does not end/is not completed when you leave your mat - life doesn't end/isn't complete when you fulfill dreams.  There is always more work.  There are always more dreams.  And, there are always amazing friends to enjoy both the yoga and life with you :)

Knowing, & Planning // [Should we force it?]

I'm a planner.  I like having an idea of what is going to happen.  I don't like surprises.  And I don't like when things aren't what I thought they were. (Often to my own detriment and my friend's last patience :) )

Yesterday in yoga my teacher switched it up at bit.  There wasn't much time for "relaxation" poses - in fact we didn't even stay in a downward dog for more than 2 breaths.  This isn't what I was expecting.  I also didn't expect to not do a full back-bend series or inversion series.  I was surprised when class abruptly ended.  Surprised enough that I struggled in savasana.  I couldn't focus.  I was just so irked by the change.  It wasn't a change that was expected. 

Which led me to start thinking about life.  How life doesn't make any damn sense.  Relationships, friendships, decisions, work, PEOPLE - there are so many times that NONE OF THESE MAKE ANY DAMN SENSE.  My older sister expresses to me fairly often (aka daily) that life doesn't make sense, I can't plan my life, I can't force life or other people, I can't control everything and everyone, and it is okay to not have everything figured out.  But, is it for me?  Is it for others?

Doesn't everyone want to have it all figured out?  How do people not know how they truly feel about others or situations?  I think we all know how we feel - it's a matter of admitting to ourselves how we feel.

So often we spend our days thinking about "what if's" or daydreaming or planning.  How is this effective?  It isn't.  And even if we know this and tell ourselves this, we still find ourselves feeling it is effective even though we KNOW it isn't.  There is a distinct difference between knowing and feeling - and ultimately what you end up doing.

What's the real way to go through life?  Force things to happen and then you're happy?  Or, you're happy and then the good things happen?