I have begun to think about where I want to take this blog. I realize I don't practice yoga enough to just blog about that, I surely don't date enough to write a dating blog (but I do have some funny stories I will eventually write about), and I really shouldn't be giving out life advice when my life is the hot mess express train. So, maybe I need to make it a hodge podge (is that even spelled right) type blog. I am just going to write about whatever the hell I want and when I want. Why should I have structured writing when my life is not so structured? That would make me a hypocrite, no?
I have spent a ton of time really focusing and reflecting on what has happened to me and what my next steps should be in life. A first step is to be able to finally cut the ties of the past and move forward into the future. No more looking in the rear-view mirror and ONLY look through the windshield. I have never been a very "churchy" person. I grew up Catholic, went to church, and occasionally go to church now. I have dabbled in other churches before but Ashley (my new roommate) convinced me to go to a non-denominational church last weekend. For whatever reason, I decided to actually go with her - in fact, I felt compelled to go. Now, it was a bit out of my comfort zone but besides that, it kind of reaffirmed my faith in the big guy. The sermon was all about the storms of your life (referring to the book of John and the miracle of Jesus walking on water) and if you let go and let God into your life and put your faith in him, it'll all be okay. One key takeaway I took from this sermon was that worry and stress are fruitless activities and miracles don't happen because you worry or stress enough. Miracles happen when you make change and ask God for help and let him take control; you basically say, "okay, I can't do this or control this so I put it in your hands". Interesting concept, right? Even if you are not religious, at the end of the day, you CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING and you certainly CANNOT CONTROL OTHERS. So, whether you let go and let God take over or you let go and just see what happens - the message is the same.
Now, why did this reaffirm my belief in God? Well for starters, I am not a regular church-goer. Because I was randomly called and felt the need to go to church, then go I go to church and I hear the absolutely PERFECT message for what I needed to hear that EXACT weekend, it reminded me that God is good, that I need to LET GO, and I need to have some blind faith (if you will) that it will be okay and he will get me through it. I also started to reflect on some of the negative things I have been thinking about God the past couple of years. There have been so many "Why me, God" and "Why are you doing this to me, God" moments. In retrospect, the things that were happening were not malicious on his part; he was simply trying to send me red flags. Each time, it never failed, the "red flag" and "warnings" were worse than the previous one because I kept ignoring it, I kept ignoring my gut/intuition, and I kept ignoring what I KNEW and focused on what I thought I FELT.
This weekend, I was blessed to be able to go to the Pirates game Friday with Ashley (and be totally photobombed) and go out with my two very best friends in the world (Ash & Becca) Saturday
for a wonderful dinner and then danced until the bar lights came on.
Because of that message I heard last week and this 'reminder' of what I
believe in and that I need to just chill, let go, and that everything
will be okay - I was able to have one of the best weekends I have had in
a very, very long time. So while I have a LONG way to go
(further than I have gone in the past 6 months) ... I am well on my way
and SO excited for my future.
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