Blog Post Throwback ~ Let's Talk About Negativity

Today I was going through one of my old blogger accounts and totally found a post that I wrote in January - exactly 6 months ago - and WHOA it's still so true.  #reblog

1/15/2014
I am having one of those days where I was driving to the airport, rushing around the airport from one end to the other, sitting on my flights, and driving to my client site and ALL I could do was think negative thoughts.  Things such as "I feel fat", "I hate going to work", "I want real, true love but I'm stuck", "Stupid class is starting, and whoa we have a lot of work", and lastly "I hate my life".  The last comment in particular really struck a nerve for me.  Really, KK?  Your life sucks that much?

These are things that 20-somethings are constantly feeling and thinking - especially the ladies.  How about we stop the negative talk and swing them into positive #firstworldproblems?  

Disclaimer: there are about a million blog posts similar to this out there and women will read 80% of them, feel good for five minutes, and immediately go back on to their complaining.  But, hey - it's worth a shot.  And, that brief time of feeling good, powerful, motivated, confident, and like it will all  'be okay' is what makes it worth it in the end.  Besides, I'm not some 'wise beyond my years' kinda person.  I am just like any other girl my age who thinks this same stuff - but, I just chose to write about it. 

I feel fat. - Maybe you are a little chunky or could afford to lose a few.  Maybe you're overweight or even obese.  Maybe you're thin, average, or skinny.  Really - what does it matter if you are not happy with yourself and your body?  I know heavier girls who love their body.  I know skinny girls who hate their body.  But, it isn't even their BODIES they are referring to.  They really mean themselves.  So, take a step back and ask yourself "is this really what I am mad about".  I have had eating disorders my entire life (anorexic, bulimic, over-eating, emotional eating) and you know what?  At any size or situation, I just wasn't ever happy with myself.  What else?  Oh, I still am not.  I still think I have so much growing to do.  Maybe we should all focus less on external things, and more on the internal.  

I hate going to work. So realistically 99% of the human population says this.  And, those that do not work hate NOT going to work.  No one likes to HAVE to do something - and, we HAVE to work (even if it is just being a mom or a 'trophy wife').  Think about what you actually hate.  Your coworkers, your boss, your client(s), the work you do, etc.  What is it?  Is it something you can change within your current organization?  Is it something that would require you to leave?  What is stopping you?  Fear of the unknown?  Well, guess what.  Life is unknown.  My thought is when you are ready - you'll be ready.  You'll pull the trigger when it is right for you - even if that is never.  Don't feel pushed or pressured into anything.  

I want real, true love but I'm stuck - I can totally resonate with this on SO many levels.  The sheer number of times I have been "stuck" is astonishing for someone who is only 26.  (I have also been told by every therapist [which is a lot] that I have seen that they have never met anyone more self-aware than me - I just don't do anything about it).  It is literally every relationship I have been in that I have created a bond and attachment that I haven't been able to break.  I think this warrants an entirely different blog post.  

Stupid class is starting - At least I am in a good grad program, I can afford it, and my company is paying for a huge part of it.  I am also blessed that I am able to not spend a time of time on school work and I can succeed (with a 4.0, nonetheless).  

I hate my life - Do I?  Do we all really HATE our lives?  Hate is such a strong work.  Sure, we dislike maybe even hate certain aspects of ourselves and the choices we make.  But, the truth of the matter is our choices define us - it makes us who we are.  Maybe we just need to stop hating, and accept.

The point I am trying to get across here is really our lives sometimes are just not THAT bad.  We try to remember the sad in life, and why we have reasons to feel blessed.  But, ultimately your life is your journey.  No matter how much you love someone, you care about someone, or how important they are to you - people are selfish.  What about being selfish in a hurtful to yourself way ... something to think about.

Switching Gears - 21 Day Fix!

Alright yogi's - I am in NO WAY abandoning you.  But, lately I have found it EXTREMELY difficult to keep up with my practice.  My new project isn't close to a studio, my weekends are jam packed, and let's be honest I cannot practice on my own - I have way too much ADD.

I recently embarked upon my Beachbody journey.  I half completed Insanity about 3 years ago and I really saw some results even though I didn't necessarily follow the meal plan.  My biggest peeve was the calorie counting and stuff.  Do I look like I have time or patience to do that?  NOPE.

So I was pretty pumped when I discovered the 21 Day Fix program.  It is 21 days long, 30 minute workout per day, and it's all based on portion controls - they even given you little containers and help you calculate how many you can have!  The great thing is there is one workout called 'Yoga Fix' so I will still get some yoga in there!

Thoughts so far?  Well, I'll be honest - I haven't been super in tuned and sticking exactly to the program.  I mean, Rome wasn't built in a day people and for me to start eating healthy AND consistently work out?  I mean, let's not get too crazy.  My Coach, Abby (who is amazing and you should totally check out her blog) has been giving me good advice and tips - it's a work in progress.  She also is super motivating and has had quite the journey herself; the perfect mix of crazy and motivated!  BUT, the program itself I can totally see why it works.  Yes, you have to do some planning and meal prep and it certainly isn't as easy as the drive-thru or hitting up Publix for their delish buffalo chicken subs.  But, I can already feel/see a difference in my body - subtle but there.  It could just be that I haven't been eating constant shit and being lazy - BUT hey I'll take it.

My sister, Kristine, is trying to get into the program as well.  We did some discussion and planning this past weekend when I was visiting.  Before I sign out for the day - I have to do a #proudandhappyaunt pic!  #obsessed #inlove #cutestnephewever

The Art of Healing Your Heart

I am no stranger to heartbreak.  I am sure most of my friends can tell you their version of my senior year in high school, my senior year in college, the great KK breakdown of 2009, the breakdown of winter 2010, and the list goes on.  I have drank countless mixed drinks, bottles of wine, and even beers trying to deal with the aching.  I have had countless cry sessions, "what ifs", and look backs with my friends.  There were also times I did the healthy thing and from all of these horrible (and I am sure more to come) heartbreaks I have learned a lot. 

 

Yesterday one of my friends, Lauren, and I were talking about the past (we tend to do this a lot).  We both dated guys very seriously in college that are now married and we aren't quite yet there.  Throughout so many breakups we end up being a huge rock for the other - regardless if we don't always talk or see each other.  This list is not exhaustive but it certainly is the top 10 things I have seen us and many of my friends do to try to heal their heart. 
[[DISCLAIMER: this list sure as hell was a lot easier to write when I am not going through current heartbreak.  Should I experience it again, I will get back to you on a more crazy version of things to do to get over heartbreak - the kind of crazy we all know and love.]]

1) Exercise & reinvent yourself.  Look, I am the first to tell you how much I hate working out.  It quite frankly is the last thing I want to do.  In recent years I discovered yoga - something I truly enjoy - and something that REALLY works to heal your heart.  I would go into a yoga class essentially still crying, and leave there thinking "eff it, I don't care.  I am woman, hear me roar".  Some people prefer running, boxing, or other forms.  It doesn't matter - just get out there.  Feel better about yourself and get healthier.  Also reinventing yourself isn't horrible.  I have dyed my hair (anyone remember that awful red?), got a perm (and had to chop my hair VERY short because of it), change my wardrobe.  Whatever it took to erase memories.
2) Read and listen to music. Spotify collaborative playlists with friends - amazing.  Your breakup playlist becomes hundreds long and emotionally diverse.  Whatever kind of music you need (sad, angry chick, happy) you will have it.  And, go to the library and get a book.  I can get lost for hours in the library browsing, and then I get lost in a story.  I can go through a book a day.  You can get fiction, non-fiction (often these help remind me I don't have it so bad), or self-help.  Use Goodreads for recommendations. 
3) Do not be alone, but take time to be alone. Being alone in your thoughts is horrible.  So try not to be.  But, take the time to be alone, to reflect, to give yourself the time to breath and check in with yourself.  Taking the time to be alone will also help you solidify a new sense of independence and to realize you don't NEED someone.  So be alone - but, have that cell phone in hand or roommate or friend close.
4) Cry.  Cry alone and cry with your friends. Just cry.  I am a firm believer that crying is pain and emotion leaving the body.  Sob, scream, whatever it takes.  If you hold emotion in, you will eventually snap.  Believe me, been there done that.
5) Fill your social calendar. Sitting around and moping won't help.  Get out of bed and DO SOMETHING.  Sure, it doesn't mean it won't be on your mind or you aren't thinking about it - but at least it will be somewhat distracting. 
6) Don't stalk.I am so guilty of this.  I will keep looking at their social media or their new love interests.  I will continue to look back at texts messages, pictures, etc.  Don't do this.  During these I will even tell myself I am hurting myself and I am being dumb.  I feel so much better when I just refrain and find that self control!
7) Don't rush to move on. Some people think it is the best way to heal a broken heart.  But, if you start a new relationship it is often doomed from the start and another heartbreak on the horizon.  It's a repetitive circle.  Take time to get over that person - don't go into a new relationship not being over the last.
8) Therapy. Not just professional therapy - although I have done that.  Any type of 'therapy'; food therapy, retail therapy, music therapy, whatever it is you love that soothes you.
9) Listen to advice but don't always take it.  Listen to your true gut. I love hearing people's perspectives and advice.  But, you don't need to take it and do it.  What works for them works for them; what works for you works for you.  Even my advice in here you don't have to take - only if you feel it WORKS for you.  That is the biggest thing - it is SO different for everyone.  But, by listening to people maybe you can see out of your crying and heartbreak fog to get some ideas that you truly know and think would work for you.
10) Let go. Remember: it can always be worse.  You won't die from heartbreak.  You will eventually be okay and make it out the other end.  You will find love again, and you still have so much other love in your life.  Letting go is the hardest thing; letting go of the person, the feelings, the memories.  But, once you do you can look back on that relationship and realize all you have learned and be okay.