The Art of Healing Your Heart

I am no stranger to heartbreak.  I am sure most of my friends can tell you their version of my senior year in high school, my senior year in college, the great KK breakdown of 2009, the breakdown of winter 2010, and the list goes on.  I have drank countless mixed drinks, bottles of wine, and even beers trying to deal with the aching.  I have had countless cry sessions, "what ifs", and look backs with my friends.  There were also times I did the healthy thing and from all of these horrible (and I am sure more to come) heartbreaks I have learned a lot. 

 

Yesterday one of my friends, Lauren, and I were talking about the past (we tend to do this a lot).  We both dated guys very seriously in college that are now married and we aren't quite yet there.  Throughout so many breakups we end up being a huge rock for the other - regardless if we don't always talk or see each other.  This list is not exhaustive but it certainly is the top 10 things I have seen us and many of my friends do to try to heal their heart. 
[[DISCLAIMER: this list sure as hell was a lot easier to write when I am not going through current heartbreak.  Should I experience it again, I will get back to you on a more crazy version of things to do to get over heartbreak - the kind of crazy we all know and love.]]

1) Exercise & reinvent yourself.  Look, I am the first to tell you how much I hate working out.  It quite frankly is the last thing I want to do.  In recent years I discovered yoga - something I truly enjoy - and something that REALLY works to heal your heart.  I would go into a yoga class essentially still crying, and leave there thinking "eff it, I don't care.  I am woman, hear me roar".  Some people prefer running, boxing, or other forms.  It doesn't matter - just get out there.  Feel better about yourself and get healthier.  Also reinventing yourself isn't horrible.  I have dyed my hair (anyone remember that awful red?), got a perm (and had to chop my hair VERY short because of it), change my wardrobe.  Whatever it took to erase memories.
2) Read and listen to music. Spotify collaborative playlists with friends - amazing.  Your breakup playlist becomes hundreds long and emotionally diverse.  Whatever kind of music you need (sad, angry chick, happy) you will have it.  And, go to the library and get a book.  I can get lost for hours in the library browsing, and then I get lost in a story.  I can go through a book a day.  You can get fiction, non-fiction (often these help remind me I don't have it so bad), or self-help.  Use Goodreads for recommendations. 
3) Do not be alone, but take time to be alone. Being alone in your thoughts is horrible.  So try not to be.  But, take the time to be alone, to reflect, to give yourself the time to breath and check in with yourself.  Taking the time to be alone will also help you solidify a new sense of independence and to realize you don't NEED someone.  So be alone - but, have that cell phone in hand or roommate or friend close.
4) Cry.  Cry alone and cry with your friends. Just cry.  I am a firm believer that crying is pain and emotion leaving the body.  Sob, scream, whatever it takes.  If you hold emotion in, you will eventually snap.  Believe me, been there done that.
5) Fill your social calendar. Sitting around and moping won't help.  Get out of bed and DO SOMETHING.  Sure, it doesn't mean it won't be on your mind or you aren't thinking about it - but at least it will be somewhat distracting. 
6) Don't stalk.I am so guilty of this.  I will keep looking at their social media or their new love interests.  I will continue to look back at texts messages, pictures, etc.  Don't do this.  During these I will even tell myself I am hurting myself and I am being dumb.  I feel so much better when I just refrain and find that self control!
7) Don't rush to move on. Some people think it is the best way to heal a broken heart.  But, if you start a new relationship it is often doomed from the start and another heartbreak on the horizon.  It's a repetitive circle.  Take time to get over that person - don't go into a new relationship not being over the last.
8) Therapy. Not just professional therapy - although I have done that.  Any type of 'therapy'; food therapy, retail therapy, music therapy, whatever it is you love that soothes you.
9) Listen to advice but don't always take it.  Listen to your true gut. I love hearing people's perspectives and advice.  But, you don't need to take it and do it.  What works for them works for them; what works for you works for you.  Even my advice in here you don't have to take - only if you feel it WORKS for you.  That is the biggest thing - it is SO different for everyone.  But, by listening to people maybe you can see out of your crying and heartbreak fog to get some ideas that you truly know and think would work for you.
10) Let go. Remember: it can always be worse.  You won't die from heartbreak.  You will eventually be okay and make it out the other end.  You will find love again, and you still have so much other love in your life.  Letting go is the hardest thing; letting go of the person, the feelings, the memories.  But, once you do you can look back on that relationship and realize all you have learned and be okay.